How many of you have noticed how pretty everyone’s photos are
on Facebook, Instagram, blogs, etc. ?
Everything looks perfect in a photograph, everyone’s home is spotless in pictures. Everyone’s kids are the picture of tranquility and happiness. The husbands are all handsome, dapper, and seem to be gazing so lovingly at his family. The wife has her best smile on, her makeup is perfect, and her hair too of course….they’re all dressed matchy match and they’re sitting on the steps of a lovely home with the door slightly ajar.
How many times have you thought “gosh, I wish my family was like that”.
How many times have you scrolled through your twitter or Facebook newsfeed and came across posts about husbands fixing breakfast in bed, giving flowers and jewelry, taking their wives on getaways, read the compliments he has doled out…….and thought “man I wish my husband was like that”.
You’re just seeing the icing my friends, the icing on the cake…. A snapshot. You aren’t seeing the mess made all over the kitchen to make that cake, nor are you seeing it after its been cut, smeared all over plates, dropped in the floor and eventually washed down the sink.
All you are seeing is that one perfect snapshot, that singular moment of perfection that occurred after all the mess and before the next mess.
Lately, I have watched quite a few friends as they struggle with marriages, children, homeschooling, and just life in general. They stroll (or rather SCROLL) through life it seems looking at everything everyone else has (in snapshot format) and wishing they had it themselves. They are constantly comparing what they have to what others possess.
Most of the time, it’s not even the things that they covet, it’s the other stuff…..the perfect life, the perfect kids, the perfect husband….and it’s not that they don’t want their friends to have it, it’s just that they want what their kids/spouses to conform to the IDEA of what they think their friends have.
You all know quite a bit about me just by reading my thoughts and ideas here on this blog, you know that I am so far from perfect that perfect isn’t even on the horizon. Yet, I have certain friends though who think I have the “perfect life” with “perfect kids” and a “perfect husband”. It is those friends though that I struggle with the most, trying to tell them ” No, I promise you I do not”. It is these friends who are constantly measuring themselves by me!!! ME OF ALL PEOPLE!!!!!!! I wish…so wish that they could be a fly on my wall……then they’d see, I don’t live a fairytale. Sure I live a good life, for the most part I have a great husband, I have well behaved kids and a beautiful home……but it’s not perfect. The most odd thing of all is, these friends who think I have perfection as a life, are very affluent well to do and have beautiful children and gorgeous homes that by far exceed my own. These are the people that most others are wishing they were like actually.
What I see, and it pains me, is them flailing those tongues…..you know, those double edged swords, those things that contain the power of life and death……..they’re slinging words of hurtful comparison at their spouses, not just in private but in public…..and I wonder, do they realize I would never do that…..I watch as these women are tearing down their own marriages with their bare hands!
Sisters, I would say but one thing to you. Stop the comparisons, Stop looking at the icing and assuming there was no mess to get there and no mess to clean afterwards….rest assured THERE IS A MESS somewhere in that perfect home. When you walk into a beautiful neat clean house……rest assured somewhere there is a closet crammed full of crap that you aren’t seeing. STOP tearing down your spouse, START building him up.
The thing I’ve noticed most often is, it’s so easy to go down the road of finding faults……and yet it’s so hard to turn around or turn off it and start looking for the good…..once you start down that road, you continually are pulling brick after brick of your own home down, and in your folly you fail to realize…..you’re not IMPROVING it, you’re DESTROYING it.
Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. Proverbs 14:1